I am home!!!! In my house. In my room. In my bed. I LOVE IT HERE!!!!!!!
It's so interesting though... coming home I have been thinking SO MUCH and I feel like I am growing SO MUCH and it made me want to blog, to try and release some thoughts. But now as I type I can't think of any.
My parents and I went to Seattle this weekend to spend Easter with my brother, sister, and their married people. (it was delightful). that also meant that I got to spend [limited] wonderful time catching up with my bff @emmaneustel #toobadyoucanttagpplinblogs. She is just an incredible part of my life. Her and @hollycowan both. After talking to both of them this weekend, I have been so incredibly blessed and encouraged (words I feel like I overuse but mean with their full meaning) and it has aided my thinking thoughts.
The first thing I really want to address is this: Christ is Risen! His death and resurrection give life and hope and purpose and meaning and are my DNA... the entirety of my everything. (eloquent, I know). Yet, more and more I am understanding the depth of his sacrifice, and the breath of air it is in my life. my only breath.
Lesser, yet more new and different, I am learning about myself... contemplating those collegy questions of "who am i?" "where do i fit into the world?" "what does God want from my life?" #lowercaseforemphasis. And I am toying with the notion of independence and the importance of living your own individual life. To preface: I need not DE-emphasize the necessity for community, humility, fellowship, roots, ties, family, wisdom, flexibility, faith in God, or blah blah. Yet more and more I sense the reality that my life is... my life. It is (though not entirely) separate from everyone else's life in the sense that God has a story for me. I am not dependent on my family or friends or comforts or familiarities or desires or strengths or knowledge... my life will have a unique direction and flow based on God's plan... and in seeking his will for my life it is important to pursue just that... his will for MY life. [insert all the important warnings about selfishness and pride and unwise decisions and cautiousness about everything here] And with that, primarily I find myself seeking HIM above all things. It is fantastically delightful (that's a good word tonight). I am discovering a passion for him in the sense of LIVING and EXPERIENCING and GROWING and LEARNING that is beyond anything I've known before. I feel like a real person with a real God and a real relationship of pursuing him because he has/is pursue(d)/ing me. I am loved. So loved by him. And I love him.
And. with all this comes such faith. Trusting him is hard, but without faith and trust in God... I am scared and lost and unsure and doubting and not even my own person. I'm sometimes/a lot of the times bad at trusting God. So this is a lesson I am excited and willing to learn hard, well, intimately, and deep.
Amen and Amen.
